Sweet moments...

Graycie loves Ava as much as Ava loves Graycie!  

Peace wIthin...

I don't have a lot of time these days to sit down down and read a book.  The only sliver of time I can ever find is right before bed.  I have uncovered a way to fill myself with the learning that I am craving by listening to audiobooks while I drive, clean my house, fold the clothes, run, etc.  This eagerness to learn started at the beginning of this year when I made the realization that not just one but two of my children do not fit in the mold of typically developing child.  They are utterly passionate about the narrow subjects they love in life but are being deprived of experiencing the serenity or peacefulness of their learning.  Simply stated.... The world is moving too fast for them to take it all in. 

Everyone has their own set of challenges in life.  I personally believe that it is these challenges that bring us closer to a soulful way of living life. It is up to us to stop, listen, be present.... and then the magic will happen.  For me, this is about finding the polarity of a bad situation and discovering the wisdom.  Anybody can learn a lesson but it is the application of this knowledge that draws wisdom.  Wisdom can not be taught, it must be learned through experience.  This is exactly what I have set out to do for my children.  Not just for Luke and Sydney, but also for my strong and independent Ava. 

I experience, I do, I learn, I stop, I reflect, I create, I love, I read, I yoga, I make mistakes, I fail, I consider, I get affected, I listen, I learn and I apply.  Add 37 years of "trying to figure it all out" and I have learned that in order to have peace within, you need to love yourself first.  And in order to love yourself you have to be willing to just be ok with the fact that you may never "figure it all out."  Beauty within begins with being an individual and not conforming to society or a set of ideals that has been fixed in our brain. Nourishing your soul through the art of everyday life and seeing the beauty in all things and people.  Peace does not judge, it seeks understanding.  Peace is having faith and discovering the depth of your own soul in this infinite universe. It is believing in something that is not concrete or can be proven by science.  It is not rational, it is simply living life fully in the present.  I am the happiest in those moments when I put it all away and I focus on what is in front of me, especially when "it" is my children or Steve. The love is inherently there already but an underlying trust is built and our souls connect.  When we truly listen and connect, beautiful things start to happen.  It appears as an "A-ha" moment that prove we are moving in the right spiritual direction.... that we are nourishing our soul. Nothing of this physical world, just the intangible faith that God is present and we are moving along on the right path.  

I had one of these magical moments tonight with Luke.  I have been investing so much time in trying engage Luke in his schoolwork so he might be intrigued.  What works one night to excite him about math, reading or just plain old learning doesn't work the next.  It is exhausting to say the least.  He challenges me!  Tonight I just listened and a beautiful thing happened.... he opened up to me.  It wasn't that he didn't want to tell me this before, it was that he couldn't find the right words to articulate what his brain was thinking. And tonight he made a new neuropathway in his brain as he spit out the following words to me,  "Mommy, sometimes I can't hear what people are saying to me."  I asked," Do you mean you ears can't hear the actual words coming out of their mouths, or that they are speaking so fast that your brain doesn't have enough time to understand the words?"  He said it was the latter of the two and I thanked him for telling me that because it helps me understand him better.  I know from all of the reading I have done and the studying I have invested in Luke that people with Autism have a weak short-term memory and a great long-term memory. It is literally wired like that in the neural pathways of the brain. Because Luke has an auditory processing delay coupled with a weak short-term memory, he hears words coming out too fast and that is it.... he can't process the words and therefore he can't hear what people are saying.  So engaging Luke is like turning on his "On" switch.  If he is engaged and words are spoken slowly, he will learn. This has been a theory that I suspected but it was actually proven to me tonight.  My hard work is paying off and through my advocacy, I will make sure that Luke, Ava and Sydney will have all of the tools they need to be successful in school and that will in turn, instill the confidence in them that is needed to create peace, love and gratitude in life and most importantly find God in their life.

By teaching my brain about the neuroscience of autism, I learn patience, understanding and even gratitude about the disease. It is not a disability like we tend to think it is.  Just because these passionate beings don't fit into the conforms of our society and school systems, doesn't mean that they should feel lesser because they lack the social ingenuity and sensory control that neurotypicals have.  It is up to me as my children's mother to be their guide and example. Show them the way instead of just telling them.  I want to ignite a fire beneath them so they can slow down and learn to love the eccentric and beautiful aspects of themselves.  I want them to find their peace. 

When we were in St. Louis a few weeks ago we visited the Butterfly House.  It really was an artist's dream to be in there with hundreds of butterflies.  There are so many metaphors or even quotes I can think of and that I have grown to love about the short lives and amazing beauty of butterflies but I will leave that for another blog post.  In art and photography, I am really drawn to colors but I have this attachment to the almost naturally black and white photograph I captured of a butterfly approaching a flower.  It is usually found that in the darkest times of our lives, we find the beauty and light within that keeps us forging ahead towards Divinity.  

Home

"It is a funny thing coming home.  Nothing Changes.  Everything looks the same, feels the same, even smells the same.  You realize what has changed is You." -F. Scott Fitzgerald

I took the kids back to St. Louis to Visit Grammy, Pop Pop and Great Nana Betty for Mis Winter Break.  We had a wonderful time!

SNOWDAY!

It started snowing last night right after the kids went to bed. I was so excited for them to wake up and see the surprise!  I love the way the snow illuminates darkness of night.  Usually when we look out our back windows at night, all we see is black or our reflection.  Not last night... we looked out at a beautiful blanket of snow.  And this morning at 6:30 when it was still pitch black outside, the kids woke up and saw snow!!

What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?  I thank God for my children and family everyday!

So funny.... she smashed up her face to the window while she watched Daddy build an igloo with Lukre and Ava.

Art...

I have been turning to the arts lately in my spare time. Drawing, painting, reading, learning about everything I can, and meditating. It's amazing how using your right side of the brain will give you the wisdom you need to find such great peace in your life. And now my job as a Mommy is to teach my children through my example, to find their talents, their confidence, their peace within. Not to tell them them how to do it, but to be the example that they need to grow, flourish and discover their own uniqueness and beauty within. Such an amazing quote.... "It's not a parents responsibility to have godly children, it's a parents responsibility to make sure their children have godly parents." Proverbs 22:6.

I can really relate to Ava through her artistic ability. She takes out the our carousel of crayons everyday and we have a whole cabinet devoted to art supplies. Personally, I have always love to draw and create beautiful and tangible creations. Art is a gift of patience and it surely takes time (and learning) to develop into the artist that you want to be. I have watched Ava go through some of these stages, but I remind myself of the above and constantly remind her, Luke and Sydney that there is no such thing as making a mistake in art. You can always go back and rework it to make it appear as you would like. It is their "fear" of messing up that keeps them from creating. But I encourage it.... that is all I can do. Pablo Picasso once said "Every child is an artist, the problem is staying an artist when you grow up." Coincidentally he is one of my favorite artists. I think what he is referring to in this quote is that when you are an adult, you know what looks real and what doesn't. For some reason, we believe everything needs to look realistic. Not for a child, they just do things without thinking... and when it comes to art, that is a beautiful thing because it is just creating.... making beautiful things.... And who cares if it is right? I have been working on these, "child guided drawings" with Ava and I love them. It is every bit enjoyable for me as it is for her. I call it child guided because I draw whatever she wants me to draw, anywhere on the page. I have this unspoken rule with myself that I just do what she says without arguing why it isn't correct. This makes such beautiful pictures of a child's imagination. And it is truly a gift to have your child be able to envision what they want on paper. I know from trying to encourage Luke that this wildly vivid imagination doesn't always translate to a visualization of how a child wants it to look on paper. This is a gift and I treasure this within Ava and I am excited for the day that Luke (and Sydney) too will find the patience within to sit there with me to create an image on paper of what he see's in his imagination.

Note to self and for my kiddos...

"A bird sitting on a branch is never afraid of the of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch, but on her own wings." Always believe in yourself...

 

We love dentists!

Go Seahawks!

My funny bunnies...

The kids and I have had so much just hanging at home, the past couple days.  They did not have school due to teacher planning and meetings.  We have been working on rubber and loom bracelets, watching movies and just playing.  Luke and Ava are really into Minecraft!

Being Vulnerable....

What I love so much about photography is how real it is, especially these days.  You take a picture and you have such a crisp depiction of the subject.  I love light, especially the light of the outdoors because it is so bright, even when diffused through the clouds.  You can really see everything on the face of your flawless child.  Their skin really is that perfect.  Their sweet little faces change so quickly and it is my job as their mommy who loves photography to capture them in the moment.   Lucky for them, they have all of this recorded in such detail so that someday they can look back with their children and really see the similarities and differences.  It is the combination of these two things that makes them so unique and beautiful.  Not just on the outside, but on the inside as well.  We see aspects of ourselves that we can relate to as parents, and then we see and deal with things that are completely new to us as parents.  This is the gift that God gave us in our children.....  learn to be vulnerable and to not feel as though we need to be perfect.  Just be.... the person we are and strive the be the best versions of ourselves.  Strive to be "real" even if that doesn't look so pretty to our children and most importantly be the person that we want our children to be. 

As I forever pass this blog onto my children, I want them to know these things because as long as I am around, I want to be their teacher but also can't wait to see what I have in store to learn from them.

For this Mommy being real means, laughing at myself and not taking myself too seriously, empathetic but strong, vulnerable and real.  I strive to be accepting and open of their talents whether  I can relate to them or not.  I seek understanding and practice patience to get there.  I have always thought that raising my kids will get easier as they get older.  Lately, I have been tested...   I am learning that certain age related things get easier by default but as their brains and needs mature, they need Steve and I more than ever to be their patient teachers.  It is less a physical feat to take care of them and more a psychological challenge.  Be confident and believe in myself is what I intend to do and I am committing to make sure most importantly, to take care of myself, my body, my spirituality....  and the rest will just fall into place.

I love being a mommy to my 3 extraordinary kids who are teaching me new things about themselves and MYSELF everyday.  God gave me such special and complex gifts!  

The eyes are the windows to the souls and I love to capture that!

New Year's Eve 2013

Blessed to have spent New Years with nana lass, Greg and April and Of Course Steve.  It was low key but fun!

Cheers to a good but hard year.  Cheers to a healthy family and an HSP free Luke!  Cheers to getting some diagnosis' for Luke and starting our journey to overcoming his learning, social and sensory challenges. Cheers to him  learning to read and excelling in math.  Cheers to Luke's amazing visual memory.... His superpower.  Cheers to Ava for such maturity this year...  she really is the best big sis to Sydney and best lil sis to Luke.... My leader.  Cheers to her for finding her artistic confidence and excelling in that and writing!  She amazes me every day. Cheers to Ava for no more training wheels and moving up a level or 2 in gymnastics! Cheers to Sydney for learning to talk in sentences this year!  She has really turned a lot of corners and is just the cutest little 3 year old I know!  Cheers to her for moving back in her bed, and cheers to her Sass, confidence, and passion. Cheers to our sweet little Graycie and of course Mr. PJ. Cheers to yoga, for finding new artistic hobbies, my longest and fastest runs ever, inner peace, and an amazing first year in our new home.  Cheers To Stevo for overcoming a challenging year in work and keeping his head up high.  Cheers to us for being together for half of lives.... 18 years!  I can't wait to see what growth we all have to look forward to in 2014.

Happy 37th bday to mommy

How special am I that I have the best kids and hubby to spend my birthday with?  We ate at my favorite Greek place in mill creek!  I had a great 1 hour run and I got to paint a picture I am doing for our family room,  for most of the day.  It is of a photo I took on Christmas Day of the farm next door.  I am painting on canvas over the photo. Steve bought me a massage that I can't wait to get and the kids bought me a America girl so I can dress up and the hair the way I want.... Haha.  The girls are so particular about theirs!  I guess some big kids never grow up!

Happy 5th Birthday my sweet Ava!

My sweet little girl turned five today. I can't believe the last five years has passed so quickly.  We celebrated Ava's  birthday yesterday with her friends at the American girl bistro.... Pictures to come soon.

Today Ava woke up to a brand-new outfit hanging on her closet with the tall black boots that she wanted.  After we did Hudson sang and many happy birthday we went downstairs and I showed her the cupcakes I made for her to bring it to school.  She really wanted to have puppy cupcakes since she loves dogs. I had researched these really cute ones on familycircle.com.  When she saw them she fell in love with them and picked out which one she wanted for herself and of course she wanted her name on it.  I worked on them for a few hours last night and finished them after she went to bed. They came out really cute and were really not that hard to make, just a little time-consuming.... As could be expected.

Now, we are headed to school so she can go celebrate with all of her classmates, then to lunch with one of her BFF's Nicolas, then soccer. When we get home we will open gifts and go to Red Robin for dinner. 

Holiday Food

The kids and I have been busy making food this holiday season!

Christmas tree hamburgers and buns.  It's amazing how much more your kids will eat when food is fun.

The last unicorn

Ava told me what she wanted me to draw and I made this picture for her.  We colored it together.  It is the unicorn from one of my favorite childhood movies.  Ava is into unicorns as much as I was when I was little.  She also likes to color and draw like I did.  I love doing creative things with her!  

Cutting down our Christmas tree!

This year we decided to cut down our own Christmas tree. It is quite a change for us as we usually have fake trees.  We drove out to Trinity farms in issaquah.  We got there at 10 AM on the first day they open and there was any barely anybody here.  

Ear Piercing!

Ava and Paige got their ears pierced on Sunday!  They were both so brave and excited!  They have been doing a great job cleaning them out every day.  Thank you Grammy and pop pop for that special early Christmas gift!

We love our Graycie

one of the best decisions we ever made.... getting a new kitten.  And we couldn't of asked for a better one.  She's sweet, loves to play, is great with the kids, and is loved every inch by all!

Halloween Festivities 2013

I was lucky enough to be a part of Luke, Ava's and Sydney's Halloween pictures.  At night, we were the first ones out as always.  The kids were super excited they got a beanie Baby of their choice at someone's house.  After about 45, they all retired to either strollers or he wagon, except for Luke who was hands down the most excited to be out.  He showed a lot of independence this year.